I thought I might share some things I’ve learned about referrals, whether it be for jobs, work, favors, etc.
Referrals are a tricky thing especially when it’s a friend asking for a referral to a job or for you to pull a few strings so that a certain “something” can happen. When someone makes a referral or recommendation for you, you’ve got a certain level of obligation to present yourself in a positive manner to the person you’re being referred to. By not “representing”, you make your friend look bad and he becomes at risk of losing that connection he used to help you in the first place.
Degrees of Referring
Obviously, referrals are not all equal. Some just help you get the foot in the door and others help you land that job.
Weak Referrals – With respect to yourself, weak referrals/links are the people that you’ve met briefly on the street, at work, at party etc. You have their contact info and if someone mentioned you they’d have to think about who you were. These kinds of relationships may help you get into the door but may have very little influence in the actually decision process. It could mean the difference between getting an interview and nothing, but it doesn’t help in actually getting the job.
It’s funny, some people make a living by exposing their network. During my startup, one guy approached us saying that he could help introduce us to some top VCs he “knew”. Sure he had their emails and stuff but he hardly knew these people or was in good standing with them. What was the catch? This guy wanted something like $5000 to perform non-refundable “due diligence” before he made the referral. You know what? I almost believed this guy until a friend helped out and actually called one of the people on the list that he knew personally. It’s a shame how people take advantage of those in need. (in this case the lowly entrepreneur)
Strong Referrals – Now these are people that you know personally and when you ask them to look at something they will look at it. Often you will ask your friend as a favor to look at something or maybe you say you’ll take them out for lunch. But these kinds of referrals get you somewhere. Because you have a strong relationship, you know not to waste each other’s time. If you did start wasting the other person’s time then the relationship weakens and your ability to refer has less strength. Strong referrals are made at your discretion, not everyone deserves them.
This leads to the the rules. (my rules)
Rules of Referring
1. Referrals are a privilege, not a right, even with good friends.
I have a story to illustrate. There’s a person I know who is older but well connected in the Bay Area. I’ve known him for about two years and have had numerous talks with him. For some reason it’s only recently that he chose to introduce me to some pretty strong connections he has. At first I thought, why couldn’t you have referred me to these people like 8 months ago when I first told you about my business?!? From my understanding, it seems he was waiting for me to take the necessary steps before he felt that I was worthwhile to introduce to the people he knew. I think he was right in waiting.
2. You can’t angry for someone who doesn’t want to refer you.
Referrals are always best when someone offers to refer you. Hopefully you shouldn’t have to ask for a referral because you put your friend in an awkward position if he doesn’t want to refer you. But there are times when you have to ask because your friends may not know how to help unless you ask them specifically. Like I mentioned in point #1, referrals are a privilege. E.g. We all have friends that are hecka lazy and you wouldn’t go referring them until they got their act together.
3. You must earn a referral
Adding to what I said previously, you need to do some work yourself. That may mean improving your resume, doing some research, etc. Basically if you can show that you’ve put some work into something, hopefully your friend will recognize it and be willing to help out. Some people have worked hard to get where they are now and if you want them to help you, they want to see you work hard too. (note: there’s a difference between working hard and suffering)
4. Referrals take time
Give it time, people who have authority are typically busy. Maybe they are figuring out how they can help before they decide to reply to you. You don’t really know what’s going on so be patient. But that being said, keep exploring other options and don’t rely solely one one referral.
Anyways, these are just some of my thoughts